you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
