trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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