For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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