In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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