I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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