Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This house was built for laser tag.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
