i just wanna soil my oats bro
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
