fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
