Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
