OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
