here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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