i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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