I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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