am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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