i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
