Please, let me fuck your mom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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