I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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