Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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