his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
