I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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