Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i think i just lost a toe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
