it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
