Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
