Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
