I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Randomize
