Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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