My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
