When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize