it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
