we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As shirtless as possible
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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