There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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