I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
