I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
