well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize