he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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