He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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