Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
