why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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