Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
