3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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