My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
