Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i used baking grease as lip gloss
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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