somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
