she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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