I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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