His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
