I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
