I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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