I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
