At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
