i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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