we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
