Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
