It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
