Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
