I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
