This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
