ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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