They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize