I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
