So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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