16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
