i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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