happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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