Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
