i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to cum in my sink.
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