so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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