I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
