READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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