I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
