that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
