I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
