i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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