It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Buhtt sex?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
