areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
