hotel room ftw
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
