If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
