I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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