she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
