i jhust puked up my retainher.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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