We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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