She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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