Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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