i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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