I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
